Cross-Posted at Diogenes Middle Finger.
MFNS – The Pew Research Center published poll results showing a surprising number of Americans take an anti-First Amendment stance regarding the recent Charlie Hebdo massacre in France. Although a majority say it was acceptable for the French cartoonists to publish images of the Islamic prophet, nearly a third or all Americans, and 50% of all women, said it was “not okay.”
In the aftermath of these events, which show a shocking willingness among Americans to be buffaloed into limits on their own everyday behavior based on the demands of a pseudo-religious, mostly outlaw political system, a number of groups have come forward to demand that their own icons be treated with similar respect by all people, or possibly suffer consequences. The following graphic illustrates six of the most prominent.
1. Ernesto “Che” Guevara: This petition was presented to President Obama by Raul Castro, who was a close friend of Che and a fellow revolutionary. He points out, quite correctly, that Che is worshiped as a demigod in Cuba, and demands that “capitalist U.S. tee-shirt hawkers cease using Che’s sacred image on all products and send the profits to Cuba.” He also asked that all images of Che be destroyed, reverently by burning, while sprinkling the flames with coca powder. Obama has offered to help with this process, personally, if requested by anyone.
2. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Ann Druyan, Carl Sagan’s final wife and the force behind the resurrected Cosmos TV series, has insisted that all images of Dr. Tyson be destroyed out of respect and recognition of the unique pinnacle of genius and heightened awareness achieved by NDT, even though he still occasionally works part-time in the Cal Tech Observatory Gift Shop to make ends meet. Ms. Druyan is strangely okay with displays of the pagan images on Dr. Tyson’s vest, so feel free to continue using those images.
3. Cows: That’s right; all cows. Hindus the world over have declared that all cattle, being sacred to their religion, shall henceforth be protected from all disrespect. That means that all cattle ranching must cease, milk ads must not use images of the sacred beasts, and leather goods will be banned. They also point out, correctly, that theirs is an actual ancient religion, not something dreamed up by a mentally-disturbed, cradle-robbing caravan raider from the 7th-century.
4. Napoleon Bonaparte: French Nationalists have been waiting for this moment for a long time. They insist that the Emperor be recognized for the divine deliverer that he is, and that his images not be used to make him appear short or to confuse him with any of the other Napoleons of popular culture.
5. Michelle Obama’s Ass: Fans of the Fabulous First Lady request that she continue to be given shameless over-exposure, all except for her large posterior. They request that it be deleted from all photographs using Photo-Shop or Pixelmator or equivalent.
6. Denise Milani: If you have to ask why this Sun-kissed, Aphrodite of Czech models shouldn’t be given goddess status, then you must be a liberal. Just ask Janicki.