JPL Digital Enhancement Identifies Alien Mars Woman

And the results are both alien and shocking.
Gruntington Post – A recent photo of Martian rock formations taken by the NASA Curiosity Rover has stirred controversy in the space community since a ghostly figure was identified by analysts. The figure does not appear to be part of the surrounding rock, but seems to be perched, upright, on a rocky outcropping. It is somewhat murky, but everyone who has seen it describes it as the figure of a woman, partially robed, with dark hair and a bare chest and a bare left arm hanging beside her figure. Some of the more retarded individuals in the UFO community have claimed that the figure is proof of tiny humanoids, about 8 inches tall, running around the surface of the Red Planet. The Russians simply refer to her as “Space Boobs.”

Shortly after the controversy broke, analysts at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena undertook a painstaking digital enhancement process to see if the image held any more secrets that could identify the nature of the “Alien Mars Woman,” as she’s been called. The results were shocking. Since we here at the Gruntington Post were actually involved in landing the Curiosity Rover (#TrueStory), JPL was kind enough to allow us to break the story about the image, shown above.

The image clearly resembles actress and Hollywood producer Lena Dunham. That is certain, but the source and meaning is still a mystery. The image cannot be Ms. Dunham, since she is not unaccounted for here on Earth. But could the image be generated by a race of aliens living on Mars who wish to send us some message? A warning of some kind? Or perhaps the image is of a real Martian who happens to look like Ms. Dunham. Is it possible there is a whole race of people on Mars who all happen to look like Lena Dunham? The mind reels.

A third possibility is that the JPL algorithms used to enhance the photo were defective, possibly corrupted by naked images of Lena Dunham on the hard drive of the computer used to do the analysis. This last possibility seems almost too unbelievable to be discussed. So it must be aliens.


About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
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2 Responses to JPL Digital Enhancement Identifies Alien Mars Woman

  1. See, this is the downside to space exploration… you risk finding stuff that would have been better left undiscovered…

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