Grunt Report from Paris: UEFA Euro 2016


Jim2016 copy

James Gruntson, before being beat up and robbed by frail Pakistani Lady

Gruntington Post[Paris] – James Gruntson, our man in Paris, checked in last night after being shaken from his usual drunken stupor by a pickpocketing-turned-violent at the Eiffel Tower.  He had planned to go to the top, along with all the other rowdy, drunken football fans packing Paris these few weeks for the UEFA 2016 Euro Championships, and he got through the queue after about an hour.  He had his 30 Euros in his hand and was about to hand it to the attendant at the gate, when a little old Pakistani woman (or as Barack would say: “Pockistahni woman”) reached from behind him and grabbed his money and ran off.

Being in total shock, James merely looked up at the faces of the Eiffel Tower staff who were busy laughing at him.  Shrugging and walking away, Jim learned a valuable lesson from this experience.  If he’d been in Communist China, (ok, I know there’s no Eiffel Tower in China) and this had happened, ten citizens would have chased down the woman and roughed her up and apologized to Jim while handing his money back.  Then they’d take the old bitch to the police.  In France, nobody friggin’ cares about some stupid tourist, or justice, or pride in their pathetic country, even though they are actually getting paid by “The City of Light” (La Ville Lumière) to care about those things.  Whatever.  I guess the other lesson is not to look too ‘nice’, even if you’re over 6 feet tall, when everybody else looks like this:


Russian cartoon depicting the unfair European press sympathizing with the rowdy English fan/thugs who get routinely beat up by the Russian fan/thugs.

Notice that, in the above story, there was no *SECURITY* at the Eiffel Tower to jump out of the bushes and assist. That’s probably a bad thing during an event like UEFA 2016, when terror cells in Paris have supposedly been activated and there is a direct threat identified by authorities. Whatever. At least the tower looks good until somebody blows it up later in the week.CkdESeHWkAAAl4l.jpg-large

CkfwsPZXIAEIWF2But anyway, back to the actual football game.  If anybody cares, Spain kicked the asses of the Turkish team yesterday, 3-0, which is a pretty good score in a game that often ends scoreless.  Like friggin’ LePanto all over again.  Also, Spain seems to be favored to take the entire championship, and I’m just fine with that.  We’ll see how it goes.  But, personally, I’m not sure how anybody can get jazzed up over a sporting event where the best example of cheesecake on the ads or Twitter feed is something like this article to the right.  Although, in fairness, the football players get a lot of exposure, and their long hair is much more attractive than most of the European women in view.  At least, I think this is a player in the photo below.  I’ll have to check.  Aw, f*+k it.  It’s not that interesting.


It’ll be going on for a while, so no hurry checking scores, but it will be over before August when everybody in France goes on vacation for a month or so.  There you have it.  Jim might update me with more info in between croissants and bottle of cabernet sauvignon, but probably not.

Cross-Posted at HardNox & Friends and PoliNation.


About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Football, Media, Terrorism. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Grunt Report from Paris: UEFA Euro 2016

  1. willysgoatgruff says:

    This is all good and well, But I never did get the score from Tin Cupistan and the tributary cousins in the valley…

    • LOL! Well, we never did make it through Tin Cupistan. We lost a fuel pump in Gunnison and had to high-tail it back to Fair Play and farther east. But we’re definitely going to go by there next trip.

  2. I liked the Lepanto reference, but that’s just me.

    Too bad about the thieving Muslim.

    • LL says:

      Just another thieving Mooselim.

      The City of Lights is nice I guess, but I’d rather be up country in the Rhone Valley. Still, for a young man, he’s learning a lot about life and so forth. That’s a very good thing.

      • Indeed! I see what you mean about the Rhone Valley. I’ve always wanted to see Avignon & Marseille, but never have. Worked a lot with a professor at the Observatory in Nice, and THAT would have been a good place to visit as well, but no dice.

        You know, technically, Telluride should be the City of Lights. It was the first town to be lit entirely with electric lights from an AC power plant by Nikola Tesla. If you saw the plaque in the park a block from the Sheridan, you noticed that the local banker’s face is on the plaque, but not Tesla’s. Ain’t that the way it always is?

    • Thanks, LSP. Don’t broadcast that too loud about Lepanto. I’m pretty sure I’m getting an IRS audit just for mentioning it.

  3. Jules Smith says:

    You can’t trust the bloody French. If I’d have been there then I’d have ran after her and tripped her up. He should have worn an England Football shirt. Nobody messes with the three lions on a shirt. Tell him once you get up there you only want to come down again. He didn’t miss much. 🙂

  4. Adrienne says:

    OMGosh! Is that your son? He’s gorgeous!

    The French have always been sort of weaselly. We had mostly tourists when I worked at the Spindle Top at the Hyatt Regency in Houston. The very worst were the French. Loud, rude, and demanding. I will say that the women dressed very nicely. Very chic, but they were louder than the men.

    Here ya go: Youtube of the elevator ride on the Eiffel Tower. That should be good enough.

  5. Adrienne says:

    Oh, and all the girlie decorating type blogs just love, love, love anything French. They think we’re barbarians compared to the French. They think it’s really cool that they shop for food every day. Of course, they do that because most of them live in tiny little hovels with a dorm size fridge. One gal actually tried it, and after one week said it was the dumbest thing she ever did.

  6. solaratov says:

    Sooo…..what?……There’s no snogging in Paris?

    How do the chicks get their car kicks?

    Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit….I crack me up!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s