Mission Accomplished, Feminism: Marriage Is Dead, and You Killed It

katharine_mcpheeThe poster child for the most destructive of all feminist double standards is now Katherine McPhee, the latest to nail a poisonous spike in the coffin of marriage as an institution in our culture.

Recently, singer & actress McPhee was featured in an Ocean Drive piece and then at Fox News, where she was presented as a confident girl who “lives her life with no regrets.”  Specifically, she has no regrets about cheating on her husband of six years with another married man who has two children.  Apparently, we are to celebrate this glorious freedom that Katherine has found.  Her now-divorced husband, Nick Cokas, pictured below with McPhee in happier times, feels otherwise.

1407919998848_wps_5_FILE_MAY_22_Singer_actresNow, I know what you’re thinking.  “Hasn’t this always been acceptable for men in our culture?  Isn’t this previously a male double standard?  Why didn’t THAT double standard kill marriage?”  My response is “outside of Bond movies, no, no and it very well might have, if it had been true.”  But it was never true for men to the extent that it is objectively and openly true for women now in the West.  If you think men have always been free to fool around, ask your grandfather how freely he felt about the consequences of leaving your grandmother for a couple weeks of extramarital bliss.  Did it happen?  Sure.  Was it ever acceptable?  Hell, no.

1I don’t know about other men, but in my case, I have the advantage of being exceedingly close to both my late grandfathers and my late father, and between the four of us, the number of elicit affairs or divorces is exactly zero to a very high level of certainty.  However, one of my grandfathers had the privilege of having his marriage and his life mostly ruined because of a ludicrously false accusation, within the family, of a *possible* (imaginary) fidelity lapse based on a few hours of being unaccounted for in the aftermath of a violent argument with his crazy wife.

funny-feminist-debate-guy-fixing-streetWhy is it a woman’s double standard now?  Because for 50 years, feminists of all three ‘waves’ have been telling western women that they need to be free of the shackles of the oppressive institution of marriage.  But they have never called for the same level of freedom for men. On the contrary, all of them, from Gloria Steinem of the First Wave, who enjoyed the benefits of marrying very rich men, to especially the marriage-friendly Third Wave feminists, have encouraged an odd kind of lopsided marriage where men bear all the responsibilities and almost non-existent benefits.  Despite their insistence that their notions are more ‘equal,’ when listening to women like Jessica Valenti, one wonders why any man would ever get married at all.  Indeed.  And that is exactly what we see happening in our western world.  Yet, Third Wave feminists still bitch about that without a hint of irony.

1558ea556afcaaf9212f918b2d7b19ed8cf1ba292562f4657cb9882d08c1714cThis is not a new trend, and I wrote about the regrettable looming death of marriage about 5 years ago when the divorce rate among 50-somethings (the last bastion of marital stability) started to explode in the US.  It has not got any better.  Every day there are new lows plumbed in the justification of false charges used against husbands or boyfriends as a means to get what a woman ‘deserves’ out of a relationship gone bad.  Thank goodness for surveillance video, right?

Don’t get me wrong.  I love the institution of marriage as a religious covenant.  I think it works as only God can make any beautiful thing work.  I cherish my 30+ year marriage to a wonderful, godly woman who makes me very happy, and I seek daily to make her secure and content and loved in every conceivable way.  But even my wife took decades to shed the subconscious feminist poison from her system, just as I have needed years to ditch my stupid culture-inherited views of marriage.  Because of our experience, I used to actively encourage young men to seek marriage and stop putting it off.  But no more.

who-needs-feminismAt least, not legally.  The legal, cultural, secular institution of marriage in the West is utterly bankrupt and outright dangerous for men, and I encourage young men to avoid it at all costs unless there is more to it than that.  For women, there could, in the past, be a downside to marriage, but that time has long passed.  Currently, the legal marriage contract utterly favors women in a way that is irresistible for every kind of abuse, and I have personally seen it all in something like 90% of my friends’ broken marriages.

Can marriage, as a cultural institution,  be saved?  Of course, and I hope it is, for all our sakes.  But I believe that the onus would have to be on western women, as a group, to change the culture if we are ever to see Americans, for example, staying married and enthusiastically raising more than token numbers of children in the future.  I believe that men have bent significantly under the pressure of the culture in the last half-century, in some ways favorably and in others not so much, as in the feminist-demanded beta-ization of men.


Vlad watches us with amusement

But western women, as a rule, are bigger princesses than ever before.  Not all, of course.  I regret the situations of many poor women, especially, of all colors and backgrounds, who find themselves working themselves to death to benefit their families.  God bless them.  But the others, who are more well off, are the biggest bunch of entitled, appearance-obsessed examples of useless human detritus ever to grace the planet.

If marriage is to once again thrive among us, our women must learn to be paragons of virtue, faithfulness and usefulness, above even concern for their looks or their earning potential.  Femininity may be far more important to your men than your physical measurements or facial beauty, so why not indulge that?  And, you know what?  Why not give back some of those highly-denigrated male perks and privileges?  Give him a reason to commit to you, for God’s sake. If you intend to enjoy his physical and financial protection, take his goddamn name.  Let him be a man.  Stop insisting on choosing traditionally male everything for yourself, like wearing traditionally male clothes, or short hair, or driving sports cars or naming your daughters names like ‘Derrick’.  Geebus.

But above all, if you’re going to even consider a sacred relationship, like marriage, make it religious.  Honor the Biblical virtues and make them a part of your lives.  Be ONE as a couple, not roommates with benefits.  Otherwise, stay the hell away and keep your legal individuality.  And make sure you BOTH get it before you take the plunge.  My future father-in-law’s first words to me were: “Son, we don’t believe in divorce here.”  God bless him for making that clear up front.  Sweeter words, I’ve never heard.


About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Americana, Church, Culture, Family, Feminism, General Religiousness, Marriage. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Mission Accomplished, Feminism: Marriage Is Dead, and You Killed It

  1. I think, for what it’s worth, that there’ll be a reset and that’ll be driven by necessity. Of course people may look at the craziness of the way we live now and intentionally change their ways. Good luck with that.

    In the meanwhile, Christians need to get serious. Not least about marriage. Maybe we can rise to the challenge.

  2. LL says:

    Men need to be virtuous and to set the standard. They need to be men and refuse the mantle of being “pacified” and made to hand their nuts to their wives to be carried in a purse. That’s step one.

    • Agreed. That’s what men are supposed to do. And you’re right that they are not always succeeding in that. Or even trying, sometimes. They don’t always get that they need to do it first if they feel they’re called to lead. But I know many virtuous men who are being let down by their wives and girlfriends who take their virtue for granted. That seems to be the crisis of the moment, to me.

  3. Adrienne says:

    Sorry you two (LL and Grunt) – as my mother taught me, it’s the women’s job to set the standards in society, and they’re doing a pretty poor job of it. Women have become crude, vulgar, and slovenly. I used to observe couples at the grocery store when I was doing demos. There is no excuse for a twenty or thirty something woman to be grossly overweight and dressed like a slob. And what’s with dragging your husband and kids to the store with you? Good heaven’s – leave the kids home with hubby. I can’t recall my father ever going to the store with my mother.

    As to bad behavior not being accepted in the past? True story:

    My mother’s father cheated on my grandma. She threw his ass out. The next time he went to his mother’s house, she opened the door and said, “I no longer have a son”, shut the door, and that was that. My great grandmother always supported her daughter-in-law and her grand children.

    • I believe you!

      And I also wonder why young people of both sexes are so determined to make themselves unattractive, disgusting, broody, painted and studded, when it obviously robs them of future happiness and stability in multiple ways(jobs, mates). Some have speculated that there’s a dark, Darwinian peer pressure going on among young women who compete to make each other less attractive on purpose so that they can somehow save the good guys for themselves. I think this is a stupid theory, frankly.

      I prefer to think it’s subconscious, and I agree with Milo Yiannopoulos that much of the blame rests with feminism. (Can you tell? 🙂 ) At University, especially, girls are taught to be “true to themselves,” whatever that means, and to reject ANY attempts at being attractive for others, especially future mates. They’re encouraged to be surly, selfish, fat, shave-headed and useless to anyone. That gives them the ultimate street creds. But Milo tells ’em, “You don’t want that! Dress to attract a future mate. Don’t do it for me; I’m gay and I think women are disgusting. Do it for yourselves! You’ll be happier. Duh! Science proves it. Don’t be stupid.”

      Fundamentally, I also think that while conservatives worship individual freedom more than most, EVEN THEY acknowledge that we ALL have a social obligation to each other to be a positive force for good. That is, to be fruitful and productive and helpful and dependable and basically unselfish. And, yes, that also means that men and women BOTH should take care of themselves so that when others see them, it gives them pleasure and RENEWS their faith in humanity, not the other way ’round.

      • Here’s what I think about the prevalent and deliberate ugliness, especially among young women who could be very attractive if they wanted to be: I think it’s just part of the toxic fallout from hookup culture. Girls who started out normal, healthy, reasonably happy, and reasonably well-adjusted hit puberty, and suddenly they begin to attract the notice of their male counterparts — and everyone seems to expect them (the girls) to be every bit as eager for lots of casual commitment-free sex as most teenage boys are. Many girls fall into the trap, because TV and movies and pop culture have conditioned them to think that it’s normal and that it will be gangs of fun… and before long they end up miserable and disillusioned and angry. They risk — repeatedly — unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, humiliation, and heartache, just so some pimply teenage boy who won’t even remember their name the next day gets to enjoy some temporary release. Of course the girls feel cheated and used — who can blame them? Some of them end up becoming feminists and/or lesbians as a result, and many end up making themselves as unattractive as possible — with hideous clothing and hairstyles, tattoos, body piercings, weight gain, obnoxious behavior, and so on — as a defense mechanism. They are obviously in a lot of pain, but their diagnosis of the cause and their way of dealing with it are self-destructive and self-defeating.

        • I like your theory, and I’ve sure seen that kind of thing happen. But cause and effect is a hard thing to show. You make a good case that pop culture is more to blame than feminism, itself, for the phenomenon. At this point, I don’t know how to distinguish the two, them being so interwoven into the fabric. So I can pretty much concede that you’re right.

          ZMalfoy had an interesting related conversation with my family at her folks’ dinner table once about research she’d done about the devastating effects of casual sex, chemically, on young girls. The hormones involved strongly affect attachment and well-being and she convinced my sons, I think, that casual sex with girls is not harmless *to them*, even if it seems harmless to the boys. I was grateful for that conversation, and I think it helped. I know that most boys DON’T get that message, and I think that’s a shame. Speaking for myself, I considered that a fact since a young age, and so I found other diversions that didn’t involve ruining someone’s life. Glad I did. Even without religion, I think I still would have figured it out. Maybe others just don’t care. Who knows…

          My only reservation is that I’m not entirely sure of the causality. I think I know girls who were fairly untouched who nevertheless got moody and self-destructive anyway. It’s really hard to know. Also, I knew girls in school who were very slutty and still seemed unphased. Also, I could write books about young men I know who were devastated when they discovered that the promises of pop culture(dating, marriage, jobs, sports, science, whatever) were basically lies, not unlike the girls. And they didn’t start slitting their wrists or putting hoops in their ears, though some did kinda lose it in other ways.

          It may also be something else entirely. Our body chemistries and tendencies toward anxiety and depression are all different and some have always struggled. For most of us, having God close by helps a lot. Having nothing leaves a big hole that begs for self-loathing. Maybe environment and personal history have nothing to do with it at all, and it’s all about the challenges of our chemistry coupled with how we choose to respond to our intimate need for God?

          Good thoughts, Blue.

          • No doubt there are lots of influences and causes, and of course feminism and leftism in general are so thoroughly woven into all the manifestations of popular culture as to be inextricable. No arguments there.

            (I started to write a more detailed response, but I got interrupted — first by the repairman who’d come to fix the dishwasher, then by my daughter and my grandson — and now it’s really late and I have to get supper made, so I’ll have to leave this for some other time.)

            • I wish I could invite you folks over for burgers on the grill to save you the trouble. We’ve got some neighbors having wine on the patio to celebrate Son#2 getting through the first phase of boot camp. We just got letters today saying he had arrived at Camp Pendleton for phase #2 on the Pacific Ocean. That’s a good sign.

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