The poster child for the most destructive of all feminist double standards is now Katherine McPhee, the latest to nail a poisonous spike in the coffin of marriage as an institution in our culture.
Recently, singer & actress McPhee was featured in an Ocean Drive piece and then at Fox News, where she was presented as a confident girl who “lives her life with no regrets.” Specifically, she has no regrets about cheating on her husband of six years with another married man who has two children. Apparently, we are to celebrate this glorious freedom that Katherine has found. Her now-divorced husband, Nick Cokas, pictured below with McPhee in happier times, feels otherwise.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Hasn’t this always been acceptable for men in our culture? Isn’t this previously a male double standard? Why didn’t THAT double standard kill marriage?” My response is “outside of Bond movies, no, no and it very well might have, if it had been true.” But it was never true for men to the extent that it is objectively and openly true for women now in the West. If you think men have always been free to fool around, ask your grandfather how freely he felt about the consequences of leaving your grandmother for a couple weeks of extramarital bliss. Did it happen? Sure. Was it ever acceptable? Hell, no.
I don’t know about other men, but in my case, I have the advantage of being exceedingly close to both my late grandfathers and my late father, and between the four of us, the number of elicit affairs or divorces is exactly zero to a very high level of certainty. However, one of my grandfathers had the privilege of having his marriage and his life mostly ruined because of a ludicrously false accusation, within the family, of a *possible* (imaginary) fidelity lapse based on a few hours of being unaccounted for in the aftermath of a violent argument with his crazy wife.
Why is it a woman’s double standard now? Because for 50 years, feminists of all three ‘waves’ have been telling western women that they need to be free of the shackles of the oppressive institution of marriage. But they have never called for the same level of freedom for men. On the contrary, all of them, from Gloria Steinem of the First Wave, who enjoyed the benefits of marrying very rich men, to especially the marriage-friendly Third Wave feminists, have encouraged an odd kind of lopsided marriage where men bear all the responsibilities and almost non-existent benefits. Despite their insistence that their notions are more ‘equal,’ when listening to women like Jessica Valenti, one wonders why any man would ever get married at all. Indeed. And that is exactly what we see happening in our western world. Yet, Third Wave feminists still bitch about that without a hint of irony.
This is not a new trend, and I wrote about the regrettable looming death of marriage about 5 years ago when the divorce rate among 50-somethings (the last bastion of marital stability) started to explode in the US. It has not got any better. Every day there are new lows plumbed in the justification of false charges used against husbands or boyfriends as a means to get what a woman ‘deserves’ out of a relationship gone bad. Thank goodness for surveillance video, right?
Don’t get me wrong. I love the institution of marriage as a religious covenant. I think it works as only God can make any beautiful thing work. I cherish my 30+ year marriage to a wonderful, godly woman who makes me very happy, and I seek daily to make her secure and content and loved in every conceivable way. But even my wife took decades to shed the subconscious feminist poison from her system, just as I have needed years to ditch my stupid culture-inherited views of marriage. Because of our experience, I used to actively encourage young men to seek marriage and stop putting it off. But no more.
At least, not legally. The legal, cultural, secular institution of marriage in the West is utterly bankrupt and outright dangerous for men, and I encourage young men to avoid it at all costs unless there is more to it than that. For women, there could, in the past, be a downside to marriage, but that time has long passed. Currently, the legal marriage contract utterly favors women in a way that is irresistible for every kind of abuse, and I have personally seen it all in something like 90% of my friends’ broken marriages.
Can marriage, as a cultural institution, be saved? Of course, and I hope it is, for all our sakes. But I believe that the onus would have to be on western women, as a group, to change the culture if we are ever to see Americans, for example, staying married and enthusiastically raising more than token numbers of children in the future. I believe that men have bent significantly under the pressure of the culture in the last half-century, in some ways favorably and in others not so much, as in the feminist-demanded beta-ization of men.
But western women, as a rule, are bigger princesses than ever before. Not all, of course. I regret the situations of many poor women, especially, of all colors and backgrounds, who find themselves working themselves to death to benefit their families. God bless them. But the others, who are more well off, are the biggest bunch of entitled, appearance-obsessed examples of useless human detritus ever to grace the planet.
If marriage is to once again thrive among us, our women must learn to be paragons of virtue, faithfulness and usefulness, above even concern for their looks or their earning potential. Femininity may be far more important to your men than your physical measurements or facial beauty, so why not indulge that? And, you know what? Why not give back some of those highly-denigrated male perks and privileges? Give him a reason to commit to you, for God’s sake. If you intend to enjoy his physical and financial protection, take his goddamn name. Let him be a man. Stop insisting on choosing traditionally male everything for yourself, like wearing traditionally male clothes, or short hair, or driving sports cars or naming your daughters names like ‘Derrick’. Geebus.
But above all, if you’re going to even consider a sacred relationship, like marriage, make it religious. Honor the Biblical virtues and make them a part of your lives. Be ONE as a couple, not roommates with benefits. Otherwise, stay the hell away and keep your legal individuality. And make sure you BOTH get it before you take the plunge. My future father-in-law’s first words to me were: “Son, we don’t believe in divorce here.” God bless him for making that clear up front. Sweeter words, I’ve never heard.